Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Breath In, Breath Out

I keep over-thinking everything and part of that is because I'm known and labeled as "the planner." I'm constantly thinking about what I should be doing, what I should be making, what type of thing I should be working on, how unhealthy my lifestyle is, when will this milestone be happening... I think you get the idea.

I'm not saying we should stop thinking about the future, you always should have some things planned. In case you're worried, you should know that I'm the number one person when it comes to worrying and planning but I have come to realize that I need to take a step back and just learn be more thankful!

I'm the kind of person who constantly has thoughts running through my head. Not just normal worrying thoughts, I'm talking about insane, off the wall, worrying thoughts! What is my future going to hold? Should I be wearing this or is it the wrong color? Should I attend more classes and get yet a third degree? When will I get married? Will it be a big wedding or will I just get married at the court house? How many kids will I have? How will I possibly be able to decide on just one name for each kid?! What type of house will I have? Will I own a house or rent one? What type of car will I drive? Will I be able to make it and live comfortably or will I be needing to work three jobs just to get by? Will it be possible to "live out my dream" and be a stay at home mommy until my kids are in school? If so, will I be a good mommy whose always playing games or the exhausted mommy who is constantly trying to pawn my kids off onto others? Can you tell I'm a worry-wort?

I wish I was a person who was just as confident in myself as the mask that I put on for others. Instead, inside, I'm a total wreck just working myself up over situations that, at the moment, I can do absolutely nothing about. I wish there was a way for me to have some sort of "filter" or something blocking all of these thoughts from coming to me. It just stinks because I'm such a control freak and the unknown really gets me worked up.

These thoughts just keep over-whelming me and I have attempted several times to block them out I just don't know quite how (yet). I guess that's a negative about caring and wanting to be a perfectionist. But with all of these thoughts going through my head and the recent events that have happened I really have come to realize that I need to step back and just breath.

Breath. Such a simple word, we do it daily, but do we really take it for what it's worth? According to the dictionary breath is, "An exhalation of air by a person or animal that can be seen, smelled, or heard." Ok, so taking that at face value means that I should be able to physically see others breathing and hear what they're saying. I really should take my own advice and take a breath, enjoy it, be thankful that I have the lungs to do this. I mean after all, without breathing we're not really living. But in the other sense, what if I were just able to take a step back and smile and just thank God that he's given me another day to breath and live my life.

I am thankful to have such a great life, house, boy, fam, food, vehicle (even though it is a gas hog) but I always feel like I should one-up myself, like I'm always trying to battle myself in a challenge of who can do better, me or me. I really just need to relax, breath and enjoy myself!

I wish I were able to just breath and look at the bright side but I'm always trying to find something negative to compare the situation to. I've been looking at the positive things in life including life itself and feel like God is giving me a sign to just be thankful. I need to open my heart up and be positive.

I mean really, my life isn't that horrible compared to some of the books I've read. (Check out this one, A Piece of Cake by Cupcake Brown, it's a great read!) Or some of the tragic life events that have happened within not only our country but our communities. But it seems we should be thinking about the small things we take for granted.

Like taking the time to enjoy God's nature, the cute little clouds he creates by just drawing random puff balls. Or the amazing sunsets he makes by swirling the colors of the rainbow together. Rainbows, those themselves are a creation to enjoy that can take you away thinking of all the things that are at the end of the multi-colored arch. (do leprechauns really exist anyways?) Or the way he works his magic and creates all of these unique creatures, each one different in its own way.

Does anyone else ever feel so overwhelmed with the daily life that they forget to breath and remember what life is really about besides me?

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